Being married for 6 years (together for 10), I have learned that without a foundation to our marriage we tend to crumble and adding a baby and a house just makes it that much more harder. We get so busy with our day to day lives that we even forget to talk to one another somedays. And of course there are days where we don't always see eye to eye, and an argument sparks, and that's ok, we are humans. But we've also learned that if we keep these small but effective tips in mind, we have a healthy and happy marriage.
(In no particular order)
1. Date Your Spouse
Dating your spouse is such an important aspect in a marriage. Schedule time for just you and your spouse (without the kiddos, without friends and family around), whether its a nice home cooked meal with a candle and unplugging electronics, or catching a movie. That time spent together is time to remember why you fell in love and to keep falling in love.
2. Hold Hands
Remember when you were younger and holding hands was a huge first step into "liking" someone? Same concept! Holding your partners hand often will bring back the spark and make you feel young again. Personally, I always reach for my husbands hand at night to fall asleep, and he reaches for mine in the car. It's such a small yet sweet gesture.
3. Have “Me” Time
Making time for yourself is important for you AND your spouse. You are essentially "recharging" yourself so you can be a better person for you and your partner. "Me" time can include taking a bubble bath, playing video games, reading a book, or treating yourself to some spa time.
4. Surprise Your Spouse
Figure out your spouses love language and surprise him/her using his/her love language. Whether that be sneaking notes in their lunch kit or on their work desk. Or giving the gift of time by making a bubble bath. Or giving them a materialistic gift they've been eyeing for awhile. For more information about love languages click here.
5. Love Yourself FIRST
This goes back to #3 as well. You can not love someone else without loving yourself FIRST. You can not make someone happy if you are not truly happy yourself. When you are happy with yourself you and your partner come together and make a happy relationship, no one is trying to make the other person happy. It sounds so cliché, but it's so true!
6. Make Out/Kiss
Whenever you get the chance, kiss your partner! In the morning when they are walking out to go to work. In the morning when they are getting ready. At night right before bed. On the cheek, on the hand, on the forehand. Just kiss your spouse whenever you can. Remind them with a simple kiss that you see them, you love them! For extra spice, make out!
7. Talk Things Out
My mom is the one who told me that "men tend to forget what bothered you and they move on to the next thing in their mind" - I've also heard the saying "men will ask their wives six times 'what's wrong' before they finally respond 'well, you know it bothers me when..." TALK THINGS OUT! If something upsets you, talk about it! It doesn't need to be a long drawn out conversation or argument... a simple "hey, I love you but when you do "this" it kind of bothers me" and move on.
This also goes for the busy couple. There are days where my husband works all day and I take care of the house and baby all day that by the time we are ready for bed we realized we haven't spoken more than two words to each other (text messages don't count). Make time to ask how their day has been (even if it's the same thing different day) or if they learned anything new today. It's important to make sure you are verbally communicating.
8. Have Fun and Joke
My husband is a huge goofball so this comes easy for him, but I am a "serious" person and I have to remind myself to let my guard down and relax. Some easy ways to have fun and joke is to find a funny movie to laugh about together, maybe even talk about the funniest part afterwards. Find a funny video on the internet and show your spouse. Talk about your past (pre-marriage) about a funny story your spouse may not know about.
9. Cuddle
Cuddling releases oxytocin, which is also known as the feel-good hormone. Cuddle up and watch tv together. Cuddle before going to sleep at night. Cuddle up and release some feel-good hormones!!
10. Listen
Listen to your spouse! Whether it be letting him/her vent about their day or listening to them when something you do bothers them. Listening and understanding what your spouse is saying will not only make them feel appreciated but it will also in-turn let them appreciate you for being there for them.
I hope these tips will help your relationship or marriage in the future. Let me know if you've ever tried any of these tips! What are some other things you've done in your relationship or marriage to make it a healthy one?
love from a wife who is always trying to date her husband
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